wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Randomize
