you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
