Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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