Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
