are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
