thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
