me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
