This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
