Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize