no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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