the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
