In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
