We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
