worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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