i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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