Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
