so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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