He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
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