just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
