just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
