I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
