dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
