if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
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