i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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