Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
