This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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