This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
