READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize