I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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