You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
