I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
