She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
