careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
