it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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