Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
