Porn is love you can see.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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