I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
