she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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