I feel like I'm in dance class right now
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
