I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
