glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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