bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
