i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
