I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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