just tell him i said nine months
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
