please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
