hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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