if you like me you must not know who I am
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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