I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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