I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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