My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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