I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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