So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
