If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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