Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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