Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
The uberlube is also flammable
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
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