Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize