i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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