I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
