bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
My brain says no but my pants say off.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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