Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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