How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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