Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize
