My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
