you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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