apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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