i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
