Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
