I wanna bring you to show and tell
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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