I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
