i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
