My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
