how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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