I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
