She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
